Life Takes Us There
by EnchantedbyTwilight
Summary: Sequel to Stay. Bella fell for a married man, only to be left in the shadows every time 'she' called. Unable to take the pain, she ends the affair. What does life hold for her in the aftermath of Edward Cullen?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I'm not sure how long it was between when Edward left and Rose showed up. It could have been minutes, or it could have days. I was surprised to see her as she was supposed to be staying with Emmett. She just said she heard I might be able to use a friend.

As she had done six months earlier, Rose held me as I cried. She never judged, never said I told you. She was just there for me. She did tell me that Emmett was ready to kick some ass.

"Em wants names and addresses Bella," Rose said, trying to lighten the mood a little. "Too bad we can't really give it to him." She mused.

"Rose, I really just want to put this behind me and move on. I don't want to hear about him – I don't even want to hear his name," I said through my tears. I knew it wouldn't end well; I knew he was married before it ever stared. I did the unthinkable and allowed myself to believe. He made me want to believe in us, in his love for me. Call me a fool, but I know he loved me, too; he just loved her more.

She just nodded and continued to hold me. After I cried myself out, Rose got me up off the floor and into bed in my room. I stayed there for a week.

September 20, 2010

"Bella, get the hell up!" Rose shouted through my bedroom door. I ignored her.

"Bella, I can have Emmett here in five minutes, and he will break the door down for me if you don't open it – NOW!" She was pissed.

I ignored her again, calling her bluff, but when I heard her asking to speak to Emmett, I quickly got up and opened my door.

"Rose, don't – you know I love you, but I can't see anyone right now."

"Bella, tough shit! You've over done the pity party, and I'm shutting it down - NOW. I know you think life is over, but it's time to put on the big girl panties and get your shit together."

"Rose you don't get it – "

"Bella, I do get it, but we both knew this was possible. No – not possible – PROBABLE. I know you are hurting. but you did the right thing." She sounded sympathetic.

"Rose, it hurts, so much," I sobbed.

"Bella, I know, but we have to get you out there. I'm not asking you to forget but you can't live like this." She waved her arms around my room – my sanctuary. "Besides, Bella, it really stinks in here!"

I didn't smile but part of me wanted to.

Rose was right – I needed to pull myself up by the proverbial boot straps and get on with my life. I knew what I was getting myself into, and I really had no one to blame but myself. I knew that married men rarely left their wives, and I foolishly allowed myself to think Edward would be the exception to the rule.

I jumped up andI began to strip the sheets from my bed. One of the reasons I hadn't left my bed was because my sheets and pillows smelled like, Edw…him. I needed to get rid of his scent. I needed to move past this. I would try to pretend like he never existed.

October 31, 2010

After Rose stormed into my room 6 weeks ago, I began to slowly get myself back into the game of life. I caught up on work. I had only been working part-time as an editor while waiting on my first book to hit the book stores on November 21. I was really excited. The publishing house planned a release party at a smaller mom and pop bookstore, and I would be there signing books. Not that I was a famous author, but being able to buy a signed book sometimes got folks to try new things!

Being Halloween, Rose was very insistent that I go out to celebrate, despite my protests. Emmett was having an all-out Halloween bash at his club, complete with a costume contest and theme drinks. I was expected to attend. She and Emmett were getting very serious, and she had struck up a close friendship with his-and his-sister, Alice. Neither Emmett nor Alice knew anything about my affair with their brother as far as I knew, but I wasn't sure what Rose might have let slip during pillow talk.

I was sitting there in my apartment while Rose and Alice played dress-up Bella. Alice knew I just went through a bad break-up, and she said I needed to make myself feel very sexy and have fun. So she brought me a costume – if that's what you call it. It was a short-VERY short-plaid skirt with a white button up shirt, which was buttoned only once – right in between my now very pushed up cleavage. The shirt tails were tied in a knot, revealing skin from the bottom of the push-up bra to the too-low-cut skirt. White knee socks and fortunately, a pair of white tennis shoes finished off the outfit. I then had to endure hours of poking and prodding and pulling just to have Alice put my long mahogany locks into pig tails. She applied my make-up in a way that made me look very sultry and seductive – honestly, I looked good. Alice was right-I did need to feel sexy. I knew it was likely that he would be there-with Tanya, but I decided I just would not go up to the VIP section. I could hang downstairs with the rest of the common folk.

We arrived at Eclipse, and there was already a line backed out around the block. Of course since Rose was dating one of the owners, we walked right in. It was packed, and there was barely room to move. Rose and Alice started to pull me towards the VIP stairs, and I waved them off, giving Rose the look of death if she pushed it. They headed up the stairs without me, and I made my way through the crowd towards the bar. I needed a drink – now. I didn't have to go upstairs to know he was here. After almost 2 months "clean and sober" from my addiction to HIM, the air hummed just like that first night last March.

The bartender approached and asked, "What can I get you beautiful?"

I smiled at him and ordered a Stella and shot of Patron. It felt good to be called beautiful – even if he was only in it for tips. I have him my credit card and asked to start a tab. He stamped my card on a sales ticket and gave it back.

I turned the shot up and quickly chased it with my beer. I looked back at the bartender and nodded to my glass. Quickly, he poured me another shot, which I downed and chased with my beer again. I told him to go ahead and hit me again. At this rate, I was going to be hammered before 10 so I thought I'd hit the dance floor. It was so crowded no one would have a clue I was out there alone, not that I really cared. I couldn't tell what was playing – the music was always too loud in these types of clubs, but the beat was pretty good. I was out there for a few minutes, dancing pretty provocatively for me, when I felt hands on my hips. I glanced over my shoulder and there was Emmett grinning down at me like a big bear. I turned around and hugged his neck.

He tugged on my hand, trying to lead me off the dance floor. I knew he wanted me to follow him to the VIP area but there was no way I could go up there. I was finally getting myself together a little and seeing him would not be conducive to regaining my sanity.

I pulled him over to the bar where I had opened my tab and offered to buy him a drink. The cute bartender who had called me beautiful earlier smiled as he grabbed the shot and beer I had ordered earlier and brought it over with me even asking for it. I smiled at him and asked him to bring Emmett a shot. Mr. Cute bartender almost choked when he saw Emmett standing there with me. I forgot that Emmett was part owner in the club.

"Collins," Emmett said in greeting, and the bartender nodded and brought Emmett the shot I requested.

"Bella, I'd like you to meet one of my best bartenders, Riley Collins. Riley, Bella Swan."

Riley was a smooth character and took my offered hand and placed a kiss on the back of it. I blushed furiously. It was obvious he was interested.

I smiled and wiggled my eyebrows suggestively at Emmett while gesturing towards Riley. He looked disappointed.

"Bella" he started sounding like my father.

I shook my head at him letting him know that I was not okay with that. He told me was he afraid the alcohol I was consuming rapidly was clouding my judgment, and I let him know, loud and clear, that I was a big girl and anything I did, or didn't do, would be on me. It was my choice, not his. He let me know he was concerned because he knew I wasn't the kind of girl who picked up random dudes in the bar. I told him, with a blush, that there was a first time for everything and then looked over at Riley and winked. Riley smiled seductively at me, and I gave it right back to him.

I spent the rest of the night at the bar flirting with Riley or dancing. Riley would watch as I danced with other men and as I ground my hips into theirs. I would always look back at him when I did this to let him know I was thinking about him. Every now and again, I'd start to second guess all of this. This was so far out of my comfort zone that I was amazed I hadn't actually run for the hills. I was 26 years old and had only had sex with two men, yet here there I was, actively seeking a one night stand. Loneliness did strange things to people– I guessed.

It was on the dance floor I felt it getting stronger. I knew he was close to me and my stomach was churning. I couldn't see him. I couldn't do it. I could feel his gaze – I knew he was watching me. I had to show him that I was okay, so when then song ended I walked up to the bar and got Riley's attention. I motioned for him to come over to me with my finger. He grinned and walked over. I kneeled on the stool and leaned over the bar, grabbing his shirt collar and pulling him closer to me. His eyes grew darker, and I was quite impressed with my boldness. I leaned over and put my mouth by his ear.

"So,Riley. What time can I count on you getting out of here?" I purred in his ear. "I am so ready for you to take me to your place and fuck me on every surface there." I couldn't believe I said that to him, but when I pulled back a little, he captured my lips with his. Our tongues touched briefly before he pulled back.

"Gorgeous, it's going to depend on the crowd tonight, but I get a break here soon, and I think you should meet me in the employee lounge." His voice was needy and husky. "I know I don't want to wait to fuck you, if I can avoid it."

"I looked at him and said, "just tell me when, sexy."

He swallowed hard and tried to discreetly adjust himself. "Fifteen minutes, back there, behind the curtain, there's a door." He was pointing in the direction of the bathrooms. "Meet me there."

I smiled at him seductively, turned, and walked away. I was almost hyperventilating. I could not believe how bold I had just been.

As I walked away, I could feel his eyes on me. I headed towards the bathroom, thinking I should go before I met Riley.

When I came out of the bathroom, Riley was just walking up. He grabbed my hand and pulled me to the curtain he'd pointed out earlier and then he was pushing me through a door. Riley wasted no time getting my shirt button undone. I started to undo the skirt but he said not to.

"Beautiful girl, you are every man's fantasy right now, and I'd love to fuck you up against the wall with that little skirt on."

I rid myself of my panties and quickly unbuttoned his pants. We didn't have time for foreplay – and just the mere thought of fucking a complete stranger in a bar was more than enough to have me wet. Before I knew it, Riley was pushing his pants over his very erect cock and was lifting me up, backing me against the wall.

I moaned when he entered me forcefully. His thrusts were fast and erratic, and I had to ask him to slow down a bit. I needed a little more than that to reach my goal. I wanted – no – needed to cum with a man buried deep inside of me.

Riley's strokes slowed and took on a more measured pace. His cock was a little bigger than average but not the size I was used to. I tried to get my legs higher on his waist as he pounded into me up against the wall. I needed this so bad that I was almost desperate.

Riley moaned out, "Touch your clit for me, please. I'm close."

I reached my hand down between us and began to rub circles around my clit. Between that extra friction and his hips pushing my fingers harder onto my clit, I could finally feel the tension building.

"Oh, God– that's it – fuck me harder now, Please." I was coming undone.

"Ung," Riley grunted out, and I could feel his body stiffen and his cock pulsing inside of me.

I began rubbing my clit just a little faster and a little harder and as Riley finished his orgasm, I needed this desperately. Finally, my walls began to clinch around his cock. That's when I felt it—felt him. There was a current in the room that shouldn't have been there. I was here with someone else, not E…him. My body responded immediately, and my orgasm peaked. Struggling, I opened my eyes, and there, standing by the door watching me intensely – angrily, was Edward.

"Edward!" I was almost shouting and totally humiliated. I pushed Riley away, pulling down my skirt and buttoning my blouse.

Riley quickly pulled his pants up and mumbled something as he practically ran out the door. I had forgotten all about him.

I was looking into his eyes, and my thoughts and heart went straight to our time together. I did my best to maintain my composure, but I'm sure he saw right through me. He always did.

"Hi, Edward," I squeaked out. Oh, God, even my inner goddess was embarrassed. I had just been caught fucking a stranger up against the wall.

"Hi, Bella," he said with obvious disgust. "I see you are enjoying yourself." He spat. The hate that came with the words almost broke me, again.

"Happy Halloween?" I questioned in my attempt to keep it to small talk. I had to get the hell out of there.

"I've had better," he replied sounding forlorn. It was better than the hate. "Seeing a woman I love being fucked like some whore kind of ruined the whole night." The hate was back in full force.

Anger was coursing through my veins. I wanted to scream and shout and throw things at him. But all I could do was stand there, looking as though I had been slapped. I wanted to shout "you made me a whore first" but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Standing there looking into his green eyes was my undoing.

"Well, it was good to see you." I lied as I picked up my discarded panties and turned to go, I had to get out of there before the tears came.

"Bella, wait," he begged.

I turned around slowly and saw the desperation in his eyes.

"Edward, I can't do this now, probably not ever, but definitely not now." I was begging him to let me escape with what little dignity I had left now.

"I love you Bella, and I always will." He looked at me, longingly.

"Apparently not enough for me to be anything other than YOUR whore," I said sadly and turned to leave.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Settlin'

As many have said - Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I just frequently fantasize about Edward oh and they are fabulous fantasies!

This chapter was influenced by Settlin' - Sugarland. It's my anthem in life – never settle!

Okay – I really planned have this re-write finished, but life tends to happen. This time it was the holidays and family! I love them – the holidays and the family- but I'm glad they are over!

Previously

"Bella, wait," he begged.

I turned around slowly and saw the desperation in his eyes.

"Edward, I can't do this now, probably not ever, but definitely not now." I was begging him to let me escape with what little dignity I had left now.

"I love you Bella, and I always will." He looked at me, longingly.

"Apparently not enough for me to be anything other than YOUR whore," I said sadly and turned to leave.

Chapter 2

Too much tequila – now forever in my mind to be known as ToKillYa-and one night stands were not good for the self-esteem-at all! I felt like I had sacrificed even more of myself last night, and I was being punished with the worst hang-over in the history of booze. My mouth felt like the bottom of a bird cage – no strike that – that would be an improvement. My head pounded with the each blink of my eyes.

"Must keep eyes closed," I groaned internally. Hell, even my inner musings hurt. Well fuck

I felt nauseous and then suddenly, I flashbacked to the previous evening, feeling the beginning of pleasure and then looking into Green-eyes. Oh, fuck – I had forgotten about Edw...HIM walking in on me last night. I was absolutely mortified but there was a small part that was feeling a little smug. It served his sorry ass right. It gave him a taste of what I felt like all the times I had to listen to him whisper words of affection while he tried to keep it quiet.

With a groan, I finally rolled out of bed and stumbled my way to the kitchen. God help anyone who got in the way of Ibuprofen, coffee, water and grease this morning. I prepped the coffee maker because we need to prioritize here, and then fumbled in the cabinet-cursing whoever used the pain-killers last–looking for my headache cure. After what seemed like an eternity, I found them–thank fuck! I poured 4 in my hand-no the recommended dosage was not going to cut it this morning. Hell, the Dr. prescribed this shit in 800mg all the time, taking that much once wouldn't hurt me. I guzzled the water down after swallowing my pills. I was too nauseous to actually cook anything greasy, so I thought about going to the diner down the street for bacon.

Finally, the coffee finished brewing, and I poured myself a cup and made my way to the living room. I was enjoying just sitting there when Rose and Emmett came down the hall. I didn't think they were here, so the movement startled me.

"Bella, did you by chance see my brother last night?" Emmett asked innocently. He didn't know about Edward and me, but he'd never really spoken about him with me either.

My stomach lurched. I got up and ran to the bathroom. After emptying my stomach, I went back to the living room. Rose was looking at me apologetically. I apologized for running out, and they laughed a little at me, enjoying my misery.

Emmett repeated his question. Damn him! Even my puking couldn't derail the train I knew was barreling down on me. My mind reeled, trying to figure out just how he knew, but there was no doubt in my mind at that moment that he did know.

"Yeah, Em," I replied, trying to hold in my tears. "I saw him downstairs last night. Why?"

I glanced at Rose, pleading for her help. I was trying really hard to keep it together, and she looked at me with sympathy in her eyes but made no move to change the subject. Damn her.

"Do you know what threw him so out of whack?" Emmett mused. "I've never seen him wound so tight. He was pacing and short with everyone. Hell, he made Tanya cry."

Oh, God! I thought. This was not going to end well. Again, the smug side asked just how many times I had we been forced to think about Edward making love with Tanya? Of course, we never actually had to witness him buried balls deep inside of her, but still, he knew I was… I guess you'd say faithful? As funny as that word sounded in the situation, I guess we had to call a spade a spade, so to speak. When I was with Edward, there was never anyone else. He never had to worry about me being with any other man while I was forced to think about him with Tanya daily. Did he fuck her after he left me? Was their love making as intense as ours? More so? Was it just going through the motions? Somehow I didn't think it was the latter since two months after I ended our affair, he was still with her, and I was still alone.

Emmett continued. "Yeah, he was just about ready to fire my best bartender." He looked over at me and any doubt about his knowledge left. "I've never seen my brother so angry. I can't for the life of me figure out why he would want to fire my best bartender."

I was looking to Rose for answers, but she just sat there, giving nothing away. Fuck! He knew it all, every sordid detail.

"Bella." Em continued. "What happened with Riley? Why would Edward want to fire him?"

Hmmm, the doubt made its way back to the surface; maybe he didn't know the whole story, so I decided honesty was the best policy—or at least as honest as I could be about it.

"Em, he may have walked in the employee lounge last night at an, er, inopportune moment." I blushed furiously.

"Oh, I gathered that much Bella."

"What I don't understand, Bella, is why he was so pissed at Riley. It's not like that lounge isn't used for 'breaks.'" He actually used air-quotes. "Several times a night." He added.

My subconscious butted in, begging me to play dumb. "Bella, just play fucking dumb."

"Wish I could help you out Em, but I don't know what crawled up his ass." I sucked at lying and knew just how insincere that sounded.

"Bella, I love you – you know that." Em started. "But I call bullshit. You know exactly what is going on."

I tried to respond but he held up his hand.

"No more, Bella. Edward told me all about it last night, and you pretty much confirmed it in your drunken stupor."

Rose glanced up apologetically but stayed silent. It dawned on me that she got caught in the middle last night, and Emmett was probably pissed at her.

"Em, I'm sorry. Really, I'm so sorry." I was crying.

"Bells, don't. I'm not mad at you, honestly, but my brother is an entirely different story." He began. "I'm not saying this hurt you, Bella, but Edward's wife is a wonderful woman, and he's hurt her terribly. And you-you are my baby sister and to find out he's the cause of your pain over the last few months? Do you have any idea how torn up I am, Bella?"

"Stop there Emmett." I was crying, but he couldn't hold Edward wholly responsible. I went in with my eyes open. "I knew all along how it would end, Em, and you can't put it all on your brother. I am a grown woman who got in over my head, and I am paying, Em, dearly. But I'm not sure I would change it if I could." I whispered.

Rose was now looking at me like I'd lost my ever loving mind.

"Emmett, the six months we shared were the best in my life. I will never settle for less than the whole again, but the experience taught me just what I want out of life. My first relationship, I settled. I never loved Jake like a lover should. We had mediocre sex, no fireworks. We were friends and should have stayed that way. My second…" I hesitated a little, unsure of how to title it. I chose to ignore a label of any kind "…involved lots of fireworks but no commitment. Next time I will have it all, I am not settling for second best ever again, Em."

"Bella!" Emmett cut me off. "I don't think you quite understand what is going on."

I looked at him, perplexed. I had just been found out – I thought that's what was going on. I thought back over the conversation we'd been having. I stared at Emmett, perplexed, trying to understand what he was trying to say. And then it hit like a ton of bricks. 'He's hurt her terribly." Oh shit, his wife knew. The realization must have been obvious on my face.

"Exactly, Bella. Tanya knows."

I sank into the sofa.

"I don't get it, Em." Truly I didn't understand. "For six months he managed to keep this secret, and two months after it ended, she found out?"

"Well, when he came back upstairs, he was a mess, Bella. He was mumbling something about whores."

I flinched, and I remembered him calling me a whore last night. It wasn't like I didn't deserve it. First, I was a mistress and then I fucked a stranger. Pretty much screamed whore in my book.

"I asked him what happened, and he mentioned something about the break room and fucking bartenders. He wasn't making much sense, but he slipped up then, Bella. He said, 'Emmett, that fucking Conners is downstairs fucking the love of my life.' Needless to say, I was perplexed. I looked at him like he had three heads. 'Edward, I think you've been drinking. Tanya's right there.' But he looked at me like I had a third eye, Bella. That's when it clicked. I knew who Riley was fucking because she had just bought me a shot of Patron." Emmett was getting more animated in his description of events, and I just let him ramble. "You never coming out with us when Edward went, your depression and Edward's asinine behavior occurring simultaneously. It all finally made sense. So, I called his ass out. 'You're fucking Bella?' I said it as a question, but it was really just clarification. Edward then interrupted and said, 'was fucking Bella, Em. It's been over a while now, but I love her Em, so much.'"

I swallowed hard, trying to keep the tears at bay.

Emmett continued. "Little did we know, Tanya was standing right there. How the fuck we missed her, I have no idea. I mean she was standing there right next to the two of us."

He let out an exaggerated sigh.

"So the next thing I know, Tanya slaps Edward, hard. Edward looked down at her with tears in his eyes and told her he loved her too, and he was so confused. Tanya had tears pouring down her cheeks, and Edward did as well. They left a few minutes later, but I'm not sure what will happen – Tanya looked so hurt. I hope she can forgive him, Bella. You need to understand – they were—are- very much in love, and the family thinks the world of her. Yes, she can be a bit pretentious to the outside world, but deep down, she's a great girl and a great wife for my brother."

Rose slapped the back of his head, hard. "Emmett you insensitive ass."

"What?" he asked, cluelessly.

Rose had sat there through his rant, but he crossed a line just then. "You, ass. You are sitting here passing judgment on Bella. She tried like hell to stay away from him, but he kept pushing! He made her promises of forever and treated her like a queen, so do not make Bella out to be the bad guy. They were both wrong."

Emmett had the decency to look apologetic. "Bella, I'm sorry. I really don't want you to think I blame you. I don't. Rose filled me in on the whole thing last night, and I know what went down. I just want you to know that while I love you, I will have to support Tanya on this."

Finally, I got the chance to say something. I took deep breaths, needing to get through it without crying.

"Emmett, I'm not asking for anyone to take my side. What happened between Edward and me was wrong, but oh, Em, it was so right at the same time. I spent the better part of the time we were together believing he would leave her for me eventually, but I realized – on my own Em – that it was never going to happen. I took a good look in the mirror and hated what I had become, so I ended it." I took a deep breath and steeled myself. It was time for honesty with everyone—especially myself.

"I was hoping he would choose me, Em. I'm not going to lie. I was hoping he would love me enough to leave her and come back to me. We both know how that panned out." I almost chuckled. "I'm not looking to get back together with him, Emmett. In fact, I know now that I was never more than second place, and I couldn't live with myself, knowing I'd settled for that. I would be nothing more than the whore he called me last night."

Both Rose and Emmett gasped. "I'll kill the mother fucker," Rose spat out.

Without warning, the tears fell. Both Rose and Emmett held me while I cried, hopefully for the last time, over Edward Cullen.


	3. Chapter 3

As many have said - Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I just frequently fantasize about Edward.

Edward demanded to be heard. I don't think he's a bad guy really (no I don't condone cheating AT ALL – I'd cut my husband's off- I just think he really loves both Bella and Tanya and is caught in a bad situation.

_Previously_

_Both Rose and Emmett gasped. "I'll kill the mother fucker," Rose spat out._

_Without warning, the tears fell. Both Rose and Emmett held me while I cried, hopefully for the last time, over Edward Cullen._

Chapter 8: Decisions Made?

Chapter 8

The first time in months, I decided to go out, and Bella was there. I could feel her the moment she walked in the door. I sat and stared at the staircase, waiting on her ascend. The current was there, but it was not as strong as it normally was when she was close. I couldn't believe I was sitting there, getting excited about seeing Bella. I knew it would be bad for both of us. Rose and Alice both came up, and my stomach ached with anticipation. After a few minutes, I realized she wasn't following them up. I couldn't blame her, really, and I shouldn't have been as excited about seeing her as I was.

She was right to call me on my bullshit. I kept stringing her along, and she deserved better. God the number times I almost told Tanya I was leaving her were staggering, but I never could quite say the words to her.

I met Tanya in school while I was pursuing my undergrad degree. She was beautiful and fun, and we hit it off immediately. We got married during my first year of law school. We had a pregnancy scare that turned out to be a false alarm, and neither of us wanted to get pregnant before we got married. It just wasn't the way things were supposed to be done. I know we seemed a bit old fashioned, but just because everyone else did it backwards, didn't mean we had to. We had planned on getting married anyway – we just decided to do it earlier. We had talked about kids but decided to wait a few more years. We were enjoying the freedom we had and used it to travel the globe and play uninhibited naked games at home. We knew couples who had kids and naked games ceased to exist for them.

The morning I left Bella's the first time, I wanted to die. I woke up to Tanya kissing my neck as her hands slid down my chest towards the waist band on my boxers. At first, I allowed myself to relax to her touch, but then I remembered those smoldering brown eyes and how they looked as she climaxed around me. Fuck! Tanya was working on seducing me, and there I was, thinking about Bella. Then I remembered I hadn't even showered since I left Bella's. Not good at all, so I quickly invited my wife into the shower with me.

I made love with my wife twice that morning, and it was wonderful. Our connection, sexually, was never an issue. We were both adventurous in the bedroom and had tried many different things, most more than once. However, as wonderful as it was, it did not hold a candle to what happened with Bella last night. The pure carnal nature of our connection, physically and emotionally, was something I didn't know existed. I knew I could not go the rest of my life without that connection – I truly felt like I needed it to breathe.

As the months went on, Bella and I spent more time getting to know one another. We explored each other's minds and bodies, and I only fell more in love with the amazing woman. She was smart, witty, challenging, and sexy as hell.

This created a difficult conundrum for me. How could I be in love with this beautiful woman I came home to every night and still love and need this other woman so much? I tried to do the right thing so many times yet failed, epically, each and every time. I would make up my mind to ask Tanya for a separation and even sit her down to talk, but I could never get the words out. Her eyes were so loving and so adoring, I wasn't sure I wanted to let her go. Fair? No, but she was an important part of my life for so long, and it was not easy to let something like that go.

I also tried to end it with Bella on a number of occasions, but thinking about her not being in my life was honestly much harder than thinking about not having Tanya. I knew I would have to let one of them go, and while I knew I should work on making my marriage successful, I knew I wouldn't choose Tanya over Bella. Truly there was no contest. From the moment I laid my eyes on Bella, I was done. I just needed to figure out how to make it all happen.

I was pulled from my thoughts when Emmett came back up the stairs. Hell, I didn't even know he'd left. He was whispering to Rose and looked very concerned. I was trying like hell to hear what they were saying. I think Rose wanted me to hear because she was speaking normally when she told Emmett that Bella was a big girl, and if she wanted a one night stand, she should have one.

She said none too quietly, "It would do her a world of good to get that asshole ex-boyfriend fucked right out of her memory."

Oh yeah, she wanted me to hear.

Fuck that, I thought. Bella was not letting some other mother fucker touch her. I quickly excused myself and went downstairs to find her.

There I stood, frozen, as that fucking bartender Riley Conners fucked her up against the wall, just like I had done the first time. I didn't want to watch as he made her come. I didn't want to see him touch her and watch his ass flex and relax as he pounded into the love of my live. I didn't WANT to, but like a car wreck, I couldn't look away. I watched her beautiful face as she came around him and wondered if she was picturing me. I was angry that it wasn't me. I was furious with myself because I caused this to happen.

Suddenly, her eyes popped open, and she stared right into my eyes. God, she was beautiful, and I knew right then I what I wanted. I wanted her, forever. I would tell Tanya I was leaving her tonight, and then I would make things right with Bella. She would be mine.

The stupid bartender hauled ass right on out the door without so much as a look back at Bella. I was angry that she allowed herself to be used like that.

She squeaked out, 'hi."

I spat out a greeting with as much venom as I could muster in my voice. She was startled at the tone of my words, but surely, she realized how hurt I must be after witnessing someone else buried deep inside of her, her writhing in ecstasy because of his touch. She had to understand how hard that was for me. She had to know exactly how much I loved her. She had to know.

I don't know what happened to the filter between my brain and my mouth. Apparently, I had left it at home because before I knew it, the word just flew out of my mouth.

"Whore."

My voice startled even me. I had just called Bella, the love of my life, the reason for my existence, a whore.

I tried to apologize, to tell her I still loved her, that I still needed her. But she held up a hand to stop me from speaking and tried to exit as gracefully as possible, considering the circumstances.

I couldn't let her go without her knowing I loved her. If I was going to get her back, she needed to remember, to know that would never change.

She was so sad and broken when she said I didn't love her enough for her to ever be more than my whore. I swallowed, hard. It was at that moment I realized that I had been the one who used her, I was the one who made her feel like a whore.

"Oh, God, what have I done?" I cried as she left room

I made my way back upstairs, mentally berating myself for calling Bella a whore. She was my life, my love, and I'd hurt in so many ways.

It didn't take Emmett long to call me out on my behavior, and the look on his face when he realized who I was talking about was utter shock. My family really loved Tanya. I'm not sure she ever really felt 100% comfortable around them as they were a very affectionate and boisterous bunch, and Tanya's family was much more formal. They loved each other but didn't show it the way we did.

As soon as I realized Tanya had heard it all, part of me was relieved and part of me was broken. Tanya was a wonderful woman and didn't deserve to be hurt. Fuck, I'm an asshole. I managed to hurt both women tonight when all I had done for the last 8 months was try not to hurt either of them.

I convinced Tanya to let me take her home and talk. We laughed and cried together that night. I held her and apologized. I answered her questions about Bella. I told her I was in love with both of them. She told me she wasn't going to let me go without a fight.

She told me she wanted to have a baby. My dick tried to crawl up into my body. I was totally caught off guard. Tanya had been the one to want to put off having kids. She wasn't even sure she actually wanted them at all. I knew it would be a mistake to even discuss bringing children into a marriage with problems, especially one where one party was in love with 2 people. She cried even harder when I told her that wasn't a good idea.

I made a mental note to remember not to have sex with my wife again without a condom, if at all. Something told me Tanya wouldn't hesitate to "fight" for me by getting pregnant, and that would not be a good thing. I don't believe in staying together wholly for a child. That's not any healthier for a child than a divorce. It may even be more harmful -the child would not grow up knowing what a healthy relationship looked like.

Emmett called my cell phone late that morning. He told me I might want to avoid Rose if I wanted to keep my dick. Rose had known about mine and Bella's relationship the entire time and never threatened to cut my dick off before, I asked him what changed.

"Dude, calling Bella a whore was not your finest moment," he stated incredulously.

"Fuck, I forgot I did that," I whispered. "Em, I didn't mean it! I was caught off guard! I didn't mean to say it. I love her, Em."

"Well, Edward, you need to let her go. I told her that I was going to push for you and Tanya to work things out," He stated as if it were fact.

"God damn it, Em! You need to stay the fuck out of this. I haven't decided what I want to do, and I don't need you interfering in my life!" I shouted.

"Edward, you need to get a grip. She is struggling and thinks you already chose Tanya over her. She said she won't go back there anyway. She doesn't want to have only part of something. She wants it all, so she's moving on, and you need to let her go and work things out with Tanya." He was exasperated.

"Emmett, I don't know if Tanya and I will survive this. Sure, I love her, but I want it all, too, and I know what all-consuming love feels like now, and I DON'T have that with Tanya!" I exclaimed. "You need to stay the fuck out of my life."

"You need to stay the fuck away from Bella!" He was shouting now.

I hung the phone up, not wanting to deal with Emmett any longer. Tears were falling freely down my face. I knew from the beginning that this would never end well, but I chose to get involved with Bella anyway. Well, I'm not sure it was ever truly a choice, but never-the-less, here I was, having hurt everyone who meant anything to me. My parents were sure to find out. Alice – God, I knew it was only a matter of time before she was banging down my door ready to kick my ass. She loved Tanya and had become great friends with Bella. Tanya was hurting and Bella, oh, God, Bella – what had I done to her? How could I fix it? Maybe the better question was "Could I fix it?"


	4. Chapter 4

As many have said - Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I just frequently fantasize about Edward.

Edward demanded to be heard. I don't think he's a bad guy really (no I don't condone cheating AT ALL – I'd cut my husband's off- I just think he really loves both Bella and Tanya and is caught in a bad situation.

_Previously_

_Both Rose and Emmett gasped. "I'll kill the mother fucker," Rose spat out._

_Without warning, the tears fell. Both Rose and Emmett held me while I cried, hopefully for the last time, over Edward Cullen._

Chapter 9: Moving On

As many have said - Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I just frequently fantasize about Edward oh and they are fabulous!

This is a short chapter but it's necessary to the outcome.

last time over Edward Cullen.

Chapter 9 – Moving On

The next few weeks flew by. Edward had actually tried calling me a couple of times, but I knew I couldn't talk to him if I was going to remain strong. Edward had made his choice in back in September. I refused to take him back only because his wife found out. Spending my life knowing I was his second choice was not something I could accept. But, God, I wanted nothing more than to feel his arms around me again. I wanted to inhale his sweet musky scent. I wanted to hear him whisper in my ear. I wanted nothing more than to take whatever he could give me. I loved him. I would always love him, but I knew I needed to put distance between us. Emmett told me the entire family was pushing for him to work on his marriage and that Tanya was willing to forgive him. I had to give him the chance to stay with Tanya; he'd made it obvious she was who he wanted.

The morning after the barcaplyse – as that night had become known as – Alice called. I had never wished I had ignored a call like I did that morning.

"Hello," I answered, my voice still thick with sleep and scratchy from crying all night.

"Bella, what the fuck is going on? What is this I hear about you fucking my married-fucking-brother?" She was ranting and very, very angry.

"Alice, I'm sorry." It was all I could say.

"Don't fucking 'I'm sorry' me, bitch!" Yeah, she was pissed.

Tears were rolling down my face again.

"Alice," I whispered and sniffled. "What do you want me to do? I didn't want this to happen. I swear. I ended it on my birthday Alice, and I haven't seen him since apart from last night."

"How long did this go on Bella? Tell me." She was demanding now.

"I slept with him the night of Eclipse's opening. That was the first time." I admitted to her. I owed her honesty. She had been a very good friend me to me, and I'd been dishonest with her from the beginning.

"God, Bella. What were you thinking? He was with Tanya that night. What did you do fuck him in the bathroom?"

"Alice, please give me a moment to explain," I begged.

She huffed but shut her mouth. I was thrilled because there was no way I could take anymore of her ranting and raving at me.

"No, Alice. I did not fuck him in the bathroom. It's really not my style."

Alice interrupted me. "Not what I hear."

"Listen, Alice, if you want to know I suggest you shut your fucking mouth now." I was not used to having to defend myself or my actions—ever, and I'd be damned if this little pixie-bitch was going to continue to belittle me. She huffed again but shut her mouth.

"I was on my way out the door to get a cab…" I proceeded to tell her about the night we met. I explained the chemistry and the promises of forever and finally the break-up. You bet your ass I gave her ALL the gory details. I'm sure just loved hearing how big her brother's cock was or how fucking good he was with it. Yes, I was being a bitch, but I was so tired of being the bad guy. I figured if I was going to be looked at like the bad guy, I might as well earn the rep.

By the time we hung up, I wasn't sure our friendship would survive. I knew that Alice was pissed and was shocked she didn't see it coming. She was also torn between her friend and her sister-in-law. It hurt to think I would lose Alice, but if I was going to get on with my life I needed as much distance from all things Cullen as I could get.

November 21, 2010

When I returned from my first official book signing that night, I was on cloud nine. I had spent weeks signing copies of MY book! I mean could life get any better?

Memories chose that moment to remind me that it could get better: I could have Ed… I mentally slapped myself. Going down that road would bring nothing but heart ache.

I had stopped and bought a cheap bottle of champagne on my way home. When I walked in the door, I screamed for Rose to come join me in the kitchen. She and Emmett came around the corner a few minutes later. I was disappointed because ever since Edward outed himself to his family, I tried to avoid all things Cullen. Emmett had wasted no time in expressing his displeasure over the affair, and in spite of his declared love for me, his distain was obvious. To be fair – he had tried to be friendly, but I knew it was because of Rose.

"What's up, Emmett?" I asked him not really asking but making small talk.

He rolled his eyes then blurted out. "Edward and Tanya are separating but don't get your hopes up, they are seeing a counselor." It was obvious whose fault he thought that was. It also explained Edward's phone calls.

I paused for a minute and decided it was now or never. I had been toying with this idea for a while but Emmett had just helped me make my decision.

"Rose, can we sit and talk, alone?" I asked, looking pointedly at my roommate and best friend, and I turned and walked to the living room and sat down.

She had followed me out while Emmett wisely stared into space.

"Sure, Bell, what's up?" She asked as she plopped down on the sofa next to me. I think she was afraid I was going to tell her Emmett couldn't come over anymore.

I wasn't sure how to begin this conversation, so I just blurted it out

"I'm moving, Rose, to Portland." There I said it.

Rose was obviously startled. I had caught her off guard.

"Why, Bella?"

"Rose, I need a fresh start. I need to be on my own and try to pick up the pieces."

"Can't you do that here? I mean why do you have to move?"

"Rose, face it. You are in love with someone that I can't really be around, at least for now anyways." I needed to be honest. "Maybe, in time, I can hang out with you guys again, but after what Alice said to me and now Emmett. I just can't do it anymore. You and I will still see each other, but I can't ask you to choose, and I have to choose me." I tried to explain.

She had tears in her eyes because she knew I was serious, and she knew we'd drift apart because of all of this. We'd seen in too many times, and I loved her enough to choose Emmett for her.

"Rose, I came home from the signing and felt better than I'd felt in a long time. I didn't even get to pop the plastic cork on my cheap champagne before I was in a funk again. I need this. I can't move on with my life if everything is going to continue to be about Edward and here," I waved my hands around, "is all Cullen all the time. I love you Rose, but I have to love me more right now."

Both of had tears flowing down our cheeks and were hugging tightly when Emmett walked in the room.

"What's the Champagne for?" Damn, he could be dense for a pretty smart guy.

"Bella's book signing," Rose announced proudly through her tears.

"And new adventures," I said sadly to Rose.

Emmett looked like he was about to say something when I abruptly ran to my room. I couldn't be there with him right now.

January 2011

I looked back into my empty room and let myself immerse myself in the luxury of the memories I'd made in that room. I let the tears fall freely as I said my silent goodbyes. I remembered the first time we made love, last time we made love, and every time in between. I relished in the memory of every soft touch, every kiss, every broken promise.

He had tried to call me for weeks, and I never returned his calls. Whether he was leaving his wife now was of no consequence to me. He didn't leave her when it counted, and I refuse to spend the rest of my life wondering if he would be with me if he hadn't gotten caught. I promised myself I would never settle again, and I meant it. I would never settle, not even for Edward.

I wiped the tears from face, held my head high, and walked out of my apartment for the last time, ready to begin my new life.


	5. Chapter 5

First - SM owns all - she just provided us all with the characters we love to play with and fantasize about!

This chapter doesn't have tons of angst but is necessary to lay the foundation for the next few. Really no specific piece of music here - still Moving on and a few happy pieces by my new country boy crush - Jason Aldean. He's a cutie with a rocking sound (I love southern rock). My Kinda Party reminds me of growing up in a small town in the south!

Previously:

January 2011

_He had tried to call me for weeks, and I never returned his calls. Whether he was leaving his wife now was of no consequence to me. He didn't leave her when it counted, and I refuse to spend the rest of my life wondering if he would be with me if he hadn't gotten caught. I promised myself I would never settle again, and I meant it. I would never settle, not even for Edward._

_I wiped the tears from face, held my head high, and walked out of my apartment for the last time, ready to begin my new life._

Chapter 5

January 2012

"Hello," I answered, my voice thick with sleep.

"Bella! I'm sorry I woke you, but I couldn't wait! I have the best news!" Rose said animatedly.

"No, Rose, it's fine. I just had a late night. What time is it anyway? What's got you in such a state?" I was rambling trying to get my bearings.

"It's just after seven, Bella, but I needed to tell you -Emmett proposed last night! He says to tell you hi!" I could tell she was beaming, even through the phone.

"Oh, Rose, that's wonderful! I'm so happy for both of you!" I truly was thrilled for her.

In spite of my predictions, Rose and I didn't lose touch over the last year. She was truly my friend. She and Emmett had a few battles after I left over his treatment of me, and I felt horrible about it. Emmett had every right to be angry with me. After I had been gone a few months, I opened the door to my apartment one day to find Emmett, alone, holding a bouquet of wildflowers. I was a little stunned to say the least. He told me that Rose was in town, but he wanted to see me alone first. We talked for a while about everything, and he apologized for the way he had treated me. He told me he knew it was not all on me and that he had given Edward more hell than he had given me. He tried to talk about him, but I wouldn't let him say much. It hurt too much to even hear his name. Rose joined us a couple of hours later, and Emmett and I had been good ever since. Alice and I hadn't spoken since the day after the bar incident, and I had finally come to terms with it. I missed her and Jasper but knew that there was really no way to fix those relationships.

"Will you be my Maid of Honor, Bella?" Rose asked quietly. She knew the implications of this as well as I did. I'm sure that's the reason for her shyness.

I knew that by agreeing, I would be forced to reenter the world of the Cullens, but she was my best friend and had stuck by me when no one else did. I could do this, for her. It had been more than a year since I'd seen any of them, and I knew eventually I would have to face my fears.

"Rose, I wouldn't miss this for the world," I stated calmly. "Just tell me what you need me to do."

"I just want you by my side, Bella. Always." She sounded tearful and was almost pleading.

"Rose, don't cry. You are my best friend, my sister, and of course I will be there, by your side – always," I repeated her plea.

We talked for a while longer and discussed the wedding. She would be a June bride, June 16th to be exact. She said they would have a small but formal wedding-just family and close friends, and they were holding it at Emmett's parent's house. I swallowed hard. I'd never actually met his parents, but I was quite certain they would know who I was by now.

"Bella, if you don't think you can do this…" she trailed off.

"Rose, I told you anything you need, and I meant it. It's been a long time, and I'm content with where I am now," I stated emphatically. I knew it would be hard, but I was determined to make this day very special for Rose.

We talked about plans for her Bridal shower since it was my job as Maid of Honor to host it. We planned to hold it at her and Emmett's place in May, and we'd have the bachelorette party at Eclipse the weekend before the wedding. She didn't want to be hung over for her wedding, and I knew we'd indulge.

After discussing plans over the next two hours, she informed me that Edward was the best man. I knew it before she said it out loud, but I shuddered at the thought anyway. She assured me that she would be the go between for planning, and I would only have to actually see him at the rehearsal dinner and wedding. That did little to thwart my fears; seeing him at all was going to be hard. Yes, that was the understatement of the century. When we finally hung up, I leaned back on my bed and took a deep breath.

"You can do this Bella." I began to mentally prep myself.

I finally rolled out of bed when my stomach began to protest missing breakfast. It was almost ten, and I needed to finish up the edits on my book.

My second book was getting published, and the final edits were due to the publisher next week. The only time I went to Seattle was when I had to meet with Kate Garrett from Volturri publishing. Occasionally, I would have dinner with Rose, but I was always afraid of running into one of the Cullens, so I kept my visits short and sweet.

The next trip was different. I promised Rose I would stay for a few days to help her with the wedding plans, flowers, dresses, food – all things bridal. She tried to talk me into staying with her, but I told her I preferred to stay in a hotel. The chances of running into a Cullen were too great since she lived with Emmett.

I showered, heated up some leftover chicken and rice, and spent the rest of the day trying, without success, to work. My mind wandered back to a time I'd spent the last year trying to forget. I knew I'd never forget, but I needed it not occupy all of my thoughts all the time. For the most part, I'd been successful and was slowly moving on with my life. I'd dated a few men over the last year but nothing had clicked. I'd promised myself I wouldn't settle, and I was keeping that promise. I made some friends, but I also learned that I was actually pretty good company, so I didn't mind doing things alone either. I just prayed that this wedding wouldn't set my progress back and would help make me stronger. I couldn't help but pray, "please let it make me stronger."

The week flew by, and I finished the edits and emailed them to Kate. We agreed to meet on the following Wednesday at noon for lunch.

When the day arrived, I climbed in my car at 9 in the morning and made the 3 hour trek to Seattle, fighting nausea the entire drive. I arrived at the restaurant around the corner from Kate's office a few minutes early, so I made my way in, and the hostess led me to a table. Kate showed up a few minutes later, right on time.

"Bella!" she exclaimed excitedly and gave me a hug. "I have the best news – they want to schedule you for a book tour since your first one was such a success. Everyone is waiting for Book 2 in the _Dawn of Vampires _series!" She explained excitedly.

I was taken aback – I wasn't expecting that at all.

"Since the book is scheduled for release at the end of next month, we want to send you out a week before to some of the major chains in New York, Atlanta, Dallas, and Chicago, and then we'll end here in Seattle on the release date." She continued. "We are going to have a limited number of copies available at the locations, which you can sign for a lucky few. It's going to generate a ton of interest!"

Since I was one of her first clients who had done well, she was probably more excited than I was.

"Kate, I can't believe this! Me, Bella Swan, going on a book tour?" I was astonished. My first book's sales had started out a little slow. Vampire books are a dime a dozen these days, but somehow, my little vampire story had managed to find its way into the hearts of a few teenage girls. They began a much appreciated free advertising campaign on social networking sites, and all of a sudden, it was on best seller lists around the world. I guess the teenage girls still believed in love against all odds.

Suddenly, I began to panic about the second book. The second book did not have a happily ever after. My fan-base still believed that Prince Charming could awaken them with a single kiss. I was sure they would be disappointed that in the end, true love wasn't enough for my characters. Of course, I knew all too well that was how it worked in real life but were they ready for that realism?

I shook the thoughts off quickly, and Kate and I finished discussing the last edits I'd made, and she said it would be at the printers by the end of the month.

Kate and I hugged good-bye, and I made my way to the Mediterranean Inn. It had this wonderful roof top deck that looked out over Elliott Bay and the Space Needle. It was a little higher per night than I would normally want to pay- I was more of a motel 6 kind of girl not growing up with lots of money, but with the success of my first book and my second one getting ready to hit the shelves, I could afford it, and since I planned on being there five days, I needed a little more comfortable bed than Motel 6 afforded.

I called Rose as soon as I got settled, and we agreed to meet up for dinner. I decided I'd wait until we were together to tell her my good news. I had time for a nap, so I settled in and tried to shut all of the ramblings in my brain. Between the wedding and the book tour, I had a lot going on.

When I arrived at the restaurant, the hostess let me know the rest of my party was there. I assumed she meant Rose and Emmett, so when we rounded the corner and I saw a table full of Cullens and an older couple I didn't know, I stopped in my tracks. I was going to kill Rose. She could have given me some warning. I wasn't prepared to deal with all of this. Rose saw me stop in my tracks and immediately got up and made her way over to me.

She embraced me and gave a squeeze, "Bella, I'm sorry, but we really needed to get everyone together before the wedding, and I wasn't sure you'd come."

"Rose, damn it!" I exclaimed nervously. "I told you I'd do whatever you needed me to! It's about time you put some fucking trust in ME." I was pissed.

I glared up at her. "Is HE going to be here?"

She didn't need to ask who he was.

"No, Bella, just Alice, Jasper, Carlisle, and Esme. Alice is going to be a bride's maid, and she and Esme are helping with the planning. Alice promises to behave, and, no, before you ask – Carlisle and Esme do not know."

"I'm assuming they are Emmett's parents," I stated, my agitation obvious.

Rose just nodded.

I decided I needed to pull up my big girl panties and deal. Maybe getting together now would help.

Emmett stood up and gave me a hug. I was grateful we were able to get past the fact that I had an affair with his brother. He treated me like a little sister, and I was happy with the way our relationship developed. I'd always wanted a big brother.

"Bella, I'm so glad you're here!" He was so excitable, just like a little boy. "Bella, you know Alice and Jasper."

I nodded in their direction. Alice gave me a lukewarm nod while Jasper gave me a genuine smile. I'd always like Jasper.

"And, I'd like to introduce me to my parents, Carlisle and Esme Cullen."

"Bella, it's so nice to finally meet you, We've heard so much about you!" Esme exclaimed as she stood and walked over to give me a hug.

I almost panicked but quickly calmed myself when I remembered Rose told me they didn't know.

Carlisle had a big smile on his face. "Yes, Bella, we've been looking forward to meeting you! Emmett is very taken with you."

"Nice to meet you both, Mr. and Mrs. Cullen," I said as I returned Esme's hug.

Alice piped in. "It's Dr. Cullen." She was just not bitchy, barely.

"Actually," Dr. Cullen said. "It's Carlisle and Esme. We are practically family now," He stated.

I smiled hesitantly; he didn't know how much I had really wanted to be a part of this family at one point.

Dinner was nice, and the tension with Alice dissipated somewhat as we discussed wedding plans. She still wasn't overly friendly, but I didn't detect as much of the bitchiness I'd experienced earlier. I guess she was resigned to the fact that if we were going to have to work together on the wedding, we might as well be civil.

"Bella, I almost forgot, you said you had some good news to share tonight." Rose came at me out.

I looked up at Rose, confused, before I remembered my good news. I'd honestly forgotten about it when I arrived.

"Rose, really it's nothing. We can talk about it later, and we have so much to do for your wedding." I tried, in vain, to redirect the conversation. There were too many people, and I didn't want to be the center of attention.

"Bella, come on spill. I've been waiting for you to tell me all day, and you seemed pretty excited this afternoon." She was going to be distracted.

"Really, Rose, It's not a big deal. Kate just told be earlier that I was going to do a whirlwind book tour for the next book."

Rose gasped. "Bell oh my god! That is fabulous!""

Esme got a look on her face that confused me, like a light bulb just went off. "Oh my god, you're Isabella Swan? How did I not realize this? Dawn of Vampires is fabulous!"

I blushed, "Thanks, Esme."

"That's really great for you, Bella," a voice I wasn't expecting to hear from spoke up.

"Thanks, Alice." I gave her a soft smile, and she returned it, albeit hesitantly. I thought that maybe things wouldn't be so bad after all. That was until Esme spoke again.

"My daughter-in-law and I both love that book." She sounded forlorn as she spoke of her, and the mood around the table changed dramatically.

My heart started beating faster, and thankfully, Emmett changed the subject quickly.

"So, Bella, tell us more. Where are you going?"

Nervously, I told them about the tour, and before I finished, everyone's moods quickly had turned again.

After dinner, we all said our goodbyes, and Rose reminded us all to be at the bridal shop in the morning at 10:00 a.m.

When I got back to my room, I ordered a bottle of wine from room service. I needed a drink, or ten. While the evening went better than I had expected, it was still nerve racking.

After pouring myself a glass of wine, I turned the TV on and found an oldies music channel. My mind was busy going over the events of the night, and I found myself wondering what had Esme so sad when she mentioned Tanya. To my knowledge, she didn't know about Edward's affair, or at least she didn't know it was me. Last I had heard, they were going to counseling, so I could only assume that they were still together trying to work on their marriage, and Esme did say her daughter -in-law, so that in itself told me they had to be together still. My heart thumped a little harder at the thought – God, why did it still have to hurt so much?

"Shit!" I exclaimed out loud to the empty room. I had to stop the thoughts in their track. I knew I'd eventually run into them -at the very least at the rehearsal dinner, so I'd have to learn to come to grips with the fact the he chose her sooner rather than later. Even after a year, it still wasn't any better.

The next few days went by quickly. Rose found her dress. It was beautiful and so Rose. She chose black bride's maid dresses. Since they were getting married at 6:00 p.m., it would be a formal affair, with everyone in tuxes and formal dresses. Black seemed to play on that better than any of the typical summer pastel colors. We visited the caterer and picked the menus for both the rehearsal and wedding dinners, and the florist where she chose red roses for the arrangements and white and red for her bouquet. Even though the guest list would be small, the level of elegance would be off the charts.

I couldn't believe we had gotten so much accomplished in such a short period of time. Working with Alice and Esme had made it easy. Of course, Alice had started planning her wedding minutes after birth, so she was an expert all things matrimonial. By the end of the week, Alice and I were much friendlier. She never mentioned her brother, and of course, I never did either. I decided to forget the past, so we could start from scratch and see if a friendship bloomed again. If not, oh well. At least we'd be able to be civil which was important since her brother was marrying my best friend. All in all, it was a great trip, although, they did try talking me into going to Eclipse a couple of nights. I claimed exhaustion from the day's activities, and it was soon dropped, with Rose's help of course.

I left Seattle Sunday afternoon feeling a lot better about the wedding and about life in general.

When I got back home my neighbor, Bree, was going out with some mutual friends and insisted I come with her to celebrate the book tour. Jessica, Lauren, Bree, and I decided to walk up to McCarty's, a neighborhood bar up the road. It was a friendly little place, and it saved us from assigning a designated driver or worrying about getting a cab later. We toasted my success, and the success of my trip. Bree knew all about my past life in Seattle, but none of our other friends did. Bree would never replace Rose in my life, but she was the closest thing to a best friend I had in Portland.

We were all feeling really good after a few hours and more than a few cocktails later. I knew I'd feel it in the morning but couldn't find it in myself to care. Bree suggested we shoot a game of pool, so we got a rack of balls from the bartender and went to only open table. Jessica was racking for the first game when a cute blond approached her. She got flustered and nervous, and it was just too funny, so we all laughed. She was usually confident when it came to guys, but for some reason, that guy turned her into a stuttering mess. Jessica glared at us while he introduced himself as Mike then introduced his friends, Eric, Tyler and Marcus, or Marc as he said he preferred to be called. The eight of us had a great time that night and everyone sort of ended up pairing off. Marc and I talked all night, and he ended up walking me home. He was definitely someone I could enjoy getting to know. Tall, dark hair with these wonderfully bright blue eyes that had such depth to them, and he was a gentleman. When we got to my building, he didn't even try to get me to invite him up, but he did ask for my number, and we made plans to go out next weekend.

I walked into my apartment that night, feeling more hopeful than I had in a long time. Life was truly looking up.


	6. Chapter 6

Previously

_I walked into my apartment that night, feeling more hopeful than I had in a long time. Life was truly looking up._

Chapter 6: What Hurts the Most

May 2012

The months really flew by. My book tour was successful beyond anyone's expectations, and the pre-release sales pushed my second book to number one on the New York Times best seller list, which increased the sales of the first book and pushed into the top ten. Marc Cauis had been there to celebrate with me through it all, and I was eternally grateful.

Marc and I started off slowly. He was recovering from having his first love walk out of his life with no explanation. He and Irina had been living together for a couple of years. He had been looking at engagement rings for a while when he came home one day to find her bags by the front door and Irina telling him, "it's me, not you." Marc was devastated.

He knew I had had my heartbroken, but he didn't know Edward was married. I tried to explain as best as I could without him thinking Edward was a two-timing douche-bag because even though technically he was two-timing, I believe he loved me. He just loved Tanya more. Marc still thought he was an idiot and two-timing douche-bag. Did I tell you, I really like Marc?

"Sure, Rose, I have to come down to see Kate next week, so I can just plan on staying for a few extra days." Rose was getting nervous about the wedding; it was only about six weeks away and as her Maid of Honor, I needed to devote as much of myself to her as possible.

I had managed to somehow avoid Edward and Tanya on my trips and had refused to listen whenever anyone attempted to talk about either of them. Esme was the hardest to avoid the conversation with because she had no idea I was the catalyst behind their marital problems. I assumed they were still together as I did hear her name occasionally, but I would leave the conversation and hopefully the area as soon as possible.

Alice and I had not reconciled, but at least we were able to sit in the same room with each other. It was important to Rose, so I was willing to do whatever it took to make things smooth.

"Maybe you should bring Marc with you this time," Rose stated.

"They still have a few weeks of class left, so he can't take off during the week," I informed her. "But maybe he can come up for the weekend," I said as my thoughts began to wander places I didn't want them to go.

Rose was not a huge fan of Marc. She really hadn't spent a whole lot of time with him since we were in Portland, so I'm not sure what her issue was with him but there she was asking me to bring him up.

"What's up Rose? You don't even like Marc, so why all the interest in him coming up?" I already knew, but I wanted to make her sweat and man up. She had been a chicken shit the first weekend we got together to plan the wedding when she blind-sided me with the whole fucking Cullen clan-there was no way she was getting out of saying this shit out loud.

"Bella, I know you don't want to see or talk about him," Rose didn't need to elaborate or say his name. I knew who she was talking about. "But, with only a few weeks left before the wedding, I can't keep you guys apart any more. We are going to Eclipse that Saturday night, and he will be there."

The thing about Rose was she didn't pull any punches.

"Rose, I know, but it's been more than a year and a half, and I can do this whether Marc comes or not. I knew this day would come, and I appreciate your keeping us a part for this long. Frankly, I'm amazed we didn't run into each other before." I was rambling because truthfully, I was not really all that okay yet.

"Breathe, Bella." Rose wasn't an idiot, but I could pretend.

We talked for a little while longer and finalized plans for my final dress fitting and my visit the next week. I took a deep breath, made my way into my bedroom, and flung myself across my bed. This was going to be so hard.

It had taken a long time to come to grips with the fact I could never have Edward the way I wanted him. It had truly been a mistake to get involved in that relationship, but I could never actually bring myself to regret it. I knew that I would go to my grave harboring feelings for the "one that got away" and in spite of my declarations of never settling, I knew if I wanted a family, a home of my own, I would have to settle for less than perfection in my relationship, but at least I wouldn't have to compromise my soul.

I called Kate to confirm our meeting the following week. We had been contacted by a producer who wanted to discuss turning my books into movies. When she told me the producer needed to move the meeting up from Thursday to Monday, I mentally cringed. I really didn't want to spend the entire week in Seattle. For one, I'd miss Marc and my friends here in Portland. I had really settled into my life in Portland and with all the positive things that had happened to me since I started overt here, I thought it was where my life was meant to be.

I contemplated coming back home after my meeting with Kate for a few days since I wasn't supposed to have any commitments with Rose until Friday morning's dress fittings. After trying to talk myself out of driving home Monday afternoon, I decided that I should be a better friend and Maid of Honor. I picked up the phone and called Rose back to let her know I'd be coming in Sunday night and staying through the following Sunday. When I mentioned staying at a hotel, she demanded that I stay with her. I thought about arguing with her but decided it might be better if I just sucked it up, so it would be easier to see him at the wedding. Yeah, I'd have to just keep telling myself that and we'd see if it ever made it true.

"Hello," I answered my phone not paying attention to the caller id.

"Hey, babe," Marc said, sounding tired.

"Hey," I replied, sounding distant.

"What's up, Bell? You sound sad." He knew me well.

"Babe, I have to go Seattle Sunday night since Liam had to move the production meeting."

He knew the struggles I had with Seattle.

"Hey, I can get a sub for Monday and go with you; we can get a honeymoon suite and have a mini vacation. Hey maybe we can go up Friday night." He sounded excited about the prospect.

I was going to have to disappoint him, and it really bothered me to do it.

"Marc, baby, I've been a lousy maid of honor, and the wedding is only a few weeks away. Also, I have my dress fitting later in the week, so I thought I'd just stay the whole week and come home Sunday." I was speaking quietly.

"Hey, babe, don't you worry your pretty little head about it." He replied sweetly. "I know you need to spend time with Rose." He took a deep breath. "Baby, I know this will be hard for you, but if you need me, you let me know," he said softly. "How about I come up Friday night? We could have our romantic weekend then?"

"Marc, I'd love for you to come up, but I promised Rose I'd stay there."

He let a deep sigh escape, and I felt very guilty.

"She did say if you wanted to come, you're welcome to stay there, too."

Nothing.

"Marc?"

He took a deep breath and started. "Bella, babe, I know this will be hard, and you feel like you need to face this on your own."

I was shocked. I didn't want to face this on my own.

"If you get there and it's too much, I'll come down." He continued.

I shut him out at that point. How could he think I was ready to do it alone?

"Bella." I heard from a distance.

"Oh, Marc, I'm sorry – I got lost for a minute there."

He knew where I was, but it was okay as he went there sometimes too.

"Hey, I'm coming over," he announced suddenly." You better have beer form me woman." He joked, trying to lighten the mood, and I laughed. Yet another reason I cared so much about him.

When he arrived, I was waiting for him at the door with a Corona. He preferred heavier imports, but Corona and Stella were as far as from Michelob Light as I would go.

He laughed and then hugged me tight. I could feel him straining against his zipper, but he knew I just needed to talk and laugh. So we turned on the television, but I don't think we ever actually picked a show. We drank beer and laughed. He had a few beers too many, so he spent the night just holding me. Our sex life was not all-consuming like our previous relationships had been. It felt more adult, more stable in some ways.

Marc and I were comfortable with each other, and I even saw myself loving him in a way, some day. He said he saw that possibility too, but for now, we were just content to be with each other.

We spent the weekend making love, and he helped me pack up my car for my week long stay in Seattle. At that point, he wasn't planning on coming Friday but told me all I had to do was ask, and he'd be there.

We said good-bye Sunday afternoon with kisses and miss yous.

A little more than three hours later, I was pulling into Rose's driveway. She and Emmett had traded apartment living for homeownership a few months ago. They thought if they were going to play grown-up, they ought to do it right. Eclipse was doing very well, and Rosalie's auto body shop, Rose's Restorations was finally breaking even. She was thrilled. She knew it would be tough for her to break into the car restoration business as it was truly full of good-old-boys, but she had persevered, and while she wasn't making a ton of money, she was making payroll and all the bills every month. It was a win for her.

Emmett was out the front door before I could get out of my car. We he reached me, he twirled me around and gave me a typical Emmett bear hug. I was so glad we were able to get past the issues surrounding his brother. I loved this big oaf and more importantly, Rose did. He was going to be in my life for a long time.

The three of played catch-up and stayed up entirely too late talking and laughing at Emmett's latest antics. When my alarm went off at 6:00 am, I was cussing both of them for keeping me up and myself for not getting a hotel.

I showered, grabbed a cup of coffee and drove up town, arriving a twenty minutes early for my appointment with Kate and Liam. We had decided on a quaint little breakfast house that served everything from pancakes to Eggs Benedict.

The hostess seated me, and I ordered a cup of coffee. The lack of sleep was catching up to me already, and I needed to be alert and focused. This meeting was more than I ever dreamed of. I always loved writing, but I never thought I'd be so popular I'd get a movie deal.

I heard the chime on the door and looked up to see if it might be Kate. She usually got to these meetings earlier than I did. As soon as I looked up my stomach got queasy. This wasn't happening. Really, not today of all days. Please, God, not today. The queasiness was nothing to the way my heart broke in the next second. There, standing in the door way was Tanya, kissing her mother-in-law Esme on the cheek. When Tanya turned, I could see it – the final proof I needed that he was gone forever. There was the proof he loved her more. Protruding from Tanya's midsection was a rather obvious bump that could only mean one thing.


	7. Chapter 7

As we all know and many of us are jealous of - Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I just have frequent fantasies about Edward, and oh, are they fabulous!

I thought that was a pretty good cliffy…ready to find out?

Previously

_When Tanya turned, I could see it – the final proof I needed that he was gone forever. There was the proof he loved her more. Protruding from Tanya's midsection was a rather obvious bump that could only mean one thing._

Chapter 7: The Aftermath

The whole world just stopped rotating in that moment. It had been so long, and yet it felt like a red hot knife piercing my chest. I could feel my stomach begin to churn, and it was about to reject the miniscule amount of coffee in my stomach, so I quickly jumped up and ran to the rest room where I proceeded to dry heave. After a few minutes, I was able to calm myself, so I grabbed some paper towel, rinsed my mouth out, and splashed cool water on my face. I steeled myself and walked back into the dining room where I spotted Kate at the table. I plastered a smile to my face as I tried to look around the restaurant to spot Tanya. I didn't see her and hoped that they were leaving instead of coming in.

Kate took one look at me and knew something was wrong.

"Bella, you look like you've seen a ghost, girl. What happened?" Kate sounded concerned.

"Not feeling well Kate, that's all." I tried to sound convincing but apparently failed – epically.

"Then tell me why you were looking around this dining room so intently? You need to get yourself together before Liam gets here." Kate was my friend. but she was my publisher/agent first, and this is a business meeting first and foremost.

"Kate, I'm really okay. I did see an ex's wife here, and it just kind of hit me a little harder than it should have. I haven't even see the man in nearly two years but wasn't expecting to see her pregnant." I hoped Kate didn't hear the panic and misery in my voice.

"Bella, I'm sorry. Sometimes the past has a way of sneaking up on it, doesn't it?" Kate had no idea how prophetic those words were in that moment.

I managed to pull myself together and Liam showed up a few minutes later. The meeting was fairly relaxed, and I deemed it successful. When Liam got up to leave he promised to send me details as well as director and actor options. While I didn't want to make the decision out-right, I wanted to make sure my characters were presented like they were written. The wrong actor or director could take the whole feel of the story in a different direction. People fell in love with the characters the way they were written, and I wanted those personalities to be what appeared on the big screen. I was so excited about the concessions I'd received that I had forgotten about the devastating encounter when I arrived this morning.

After hugs and congratulations, Kate and I made our way to the door. I vaguely heard someone say 'Kate' as we walked through the dining room, but my mind was still reeling from the excitement. Kate told me to wait a second she wanted to say hello to her cousin. I came back from my internal revelry and turned into time to see Kate hugging Tanya. I could feel the blood rushing from my head, and I swayed a little from the dizziness it caused. I grabbed the back of another patron's chair and contemplated my options. My instinct was to turn and run like hell out of the restaurant and hope no one noticed. I couldn't just stand here – there was no way this was going to end well. The man in the chair I grabbed stood up and asked if I was okay and tried to help me steady myself. His companion was concerned and asked the waiter for a glass of water for me. It was all very nice of them but all I wanted to do was to tell them to shut the fuck up and stop drawing attention to me. Of course, it was too late for that. I'd love to remember what exactly happened next, but it was all sort of fuzzy. I do know the waiter brought me water. I know that I sat down in the man's seat, and Kate kneeled in front of me, concerned. I know I looked up to see Tanya with an incredulous look on her face, and Esme with a concerned one. The last thing I really remembered clearly was Kate and Esme saying, "Oh my god, It was you."

I got the hell out of there as quickly as I could and somehow managed to drive to Rose's house where I ran into the guest room I was using and collapsed on the floor by the door. This is where Rose found me, once again, shaking and in tears.

Rose sat with me and rocked me kissing my hair and whispering shhh. It was a very motherly gesture and one I needed. When I was calm enough to talk, I explained what happened when Kate and I were leaving. I didn't mention seeing the baby bump since I was sure she already knew, and I didn't want to discuss that. My lack of moral character had just been discovered by two people I would be forced to be around a lot in the coming weeks and months. Esme was the mother of the groom whom was marrying my best friend and the mother of the man I had an affair with. Kate was my publisher and agent and apparently the cousin of the wife of the man I was in love with.

They say God doesn't give you more than you can handle. I was beginning to wish God didn't trust me quite so much.

"Only you, Bella. Only you." Rose giggled a little which made me giggle a little, and before I knew it, we were laughing like idiots, which is how Emmett found us when he came in a little while later.

Emmett didn't find the story very amusing as he had heard from Esme earlier in the day. She was having a very hard time with it; apparently, she really liked me and had enjoyed spending time with me while we planned the wedding. Now she wasn't sure how she was going to be in the same room with me.

"Come on Bella, we need to talk about all this." Emmett stated flatly and led Rose and I out into the living room.

I sat down and gave Emmett my version of the story, and he confirmed that it was pretty much what Esme had told him. We talked for a while longer, and he let both Rose and I know that he would be relaying any necessary information regarding the wedding to Esme if Alice wasn't in on discussions. Esme wouldn't be able to attend any meetings I was at since I was responsible for the downfall of her son's marriage.

"Wait. Back-up Em." I stopped him mid word. "What do you mean by the "downfall of his marriage? I know getting involved with Edward was wrong, but I was the one that ended it, and I certainly never had any intention of "outing" him, ever. That is all on him. Besides, I saw Tanya's baby bump Emmett. Apparently, they were able to work things out." I was trying hard to hold it together.

"Bella? What are you talking about?" Emmett asked incredulously. "Didn't Rose tell you? Tanya filed for divorce shortly after they entered marriage counseling. They haven't been together for a long time now, and Tanya's been seeing a guy named James something or another, and she ended up pregnant."

I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. They weren't together; it wasn't his baby. I looked to the heavens and whispered "thank you."

"No, Emmett, I didn't know," I said quietly and then looked pointedly at Rose. "No one bothered to tell me." I was pissed now.

"Listen, Bella, first of all you wouldn't listen to anything that concerned Edward." Rose was obviously more than irritated at me. "Second – you said you knew you couldn't handle knowing you'd always be his second choice, and when they separated, I knew you'd go back to him if you could at that time. And that was the last thing you needed at that point." She was glaring at me, daring me to challenge her.

I just shook my head and looked at my lap. I knew she was right.

My mind starting going off in all sorts of directions; part of me wanted to run to Edward and throw myself at his feet. Part of me wanted to run to Portland and let Marc hold me and lie to me by telling me everything would be okay. Part of me wanted to run to Kansas where I knew no one and could start anew. Rose could always find another best friend, right? In the end, I decided to retreat to Tara – channeling my inner Scarlett - I would deal with this tomorrow. "After all, tomorrow is another day."

The rest of the week was actually pretty uneventful outside of the wedding stuff. I spoke with Marc a couple of times and told him what all was going on. He was very understanding-almost too understanding about how I felt. At Rose's insistence, I invited him up again for the weekend but he declined, telling me I had to face this all, so I would be sure about the rest of my life. Rose disliked him even more for that. She really didn't want me to be alone when I saw Edward. She didn't think it would be good for me. I'm not sure I agreed with her. I needed to know if I would ever be able to move on. I needed to know why he picked her, and I needed to know if what we had was imagined or real. I had not had a conversation with him since my birthday nearly two years ago. Yes we had spoken words once – but the heated words after he watched some guy drill me in a bar didn't count.

I didn't sleep Friday night in spite of the 3 bottles of wine Rose and I drank. I did learn that hangovers come whether you go to sleep or not. My head was pounding and my mouth was bottom-of-the-bird-cage gross. Wine hangovers were the worst! I finally dragged my ass out of bed and stumbled into the kitchen to the coffee pot. Caffeine - I needed caffeine-and grease. Thank god Rose had an auto coffee pot, and someone had been sober enough to remember to set it last night. I poured myself a cup and took a sip-mmmmm. I then opened the refrigerator in search of grease. Bacon–I could do that. I pulled a few slices out of the package, wrapped them in paper towel, and placed them in the microwave. I didn't have the energy to actually cook them in a pan. A couple of two-minute cycles later, I had my bacon and was on my second cup of coffee. Rose finally stumbled into the kitchen, also looking for the magic brew. I didn't utter a word to her because a hung-over Rose was not a nice person.

After we both had enough coffee, Rose filled me in on the plans for the day, and I was thrilled. One word: spa. This meant I would be able to nap a little – I hoped. Otherwise, I would not have made it out that night, and I wanted, no needed to see Edward.

Rose informed me that Esme had decided not to come, but Alice would be joining us. She said that Alice told her that Esme was going to try to come out but decided that she needed a little more time to come to grips with the fact that I was the other woman. Rose said Esme was pissed at everyone: me, Emmett, Alice, and especially Edward.

A little while later, Rose, Alice, and I were walking into the spa ready to be pampered. Normally I don't do the spa day thing, but this time I needed to be pampered and was looking forward to it. The day passed quickly with manicures, pedicures, facials, hot stone massages, waxing and of course, napping.

We went back to Rose's and got dressed for the evening. I was nervous as hell. I couldn't make up my mind what to wear, hell who was I kidding – at that moment I couldn't make a decision on whether I need to pee or not.

Rose and Alice to the rescue? More like torture. When they finished. I had to admit I looked good. They dressed me in jeans with a royal blue button up blouse. There was nothing overtly sexy about it but blue is definitely my color, and I looked good. One last look in the mirror and it was time to put on the big girl panties.

The drive took forever, or so it seemed. Emmett had been at the club for a while making sure everything was ready for opening and making sure the staff set up correctly for the party in the VIP section. We arrived and walked straight passed the long line waiting to get in which garnered the three of us quite a few nasty looks from all the girls waiting in the line.

As soon as we stepped through the door, I could feel the electricity humming in the place. He was already here. As we ascended the stairs, the current got stronger. I allowed myself a moment to remember the first night I walked up the stairs and found those green eyes looking into my soul. As I neared the top, I took a deep breath to steady my nerves and followed Rose and Alice up the last three steps.

As soon as I reached the top and lifted my eyes, I was greeted by the most beautiful green eyes I had ever seen and just like he did more than 2 years ago, he looked straight into my soul. I grinned at him and gave him a little wave, and he returned my grin with the crooked smile that melted my heart.


End file.
